My Letter To Jonah

If a little baby boy turns two and his Mama refuses to acknowledge it does it still happen?

It does.

He just. keeps. growing.

And that is a good thing.  That is a great thing.  Babies turn into boys who turn into men.  Men like my Boyfriend.  Men who make the world a better place.  I know this.  I repeat this to myself over and over again as I see him taking steps, learning words, and in general preparing to leave me forever.

I am not, I repeat not ready for this baby to be a two year old.  (Try to contain your *shocked* face. Pleaseandthankyou.)

This is my way of coping.  This is my way of handling this new number in our midst.  Two.  *sheesh*  I, despite my grasp of the basic English mathematical system, did not see this coming.  This, is my letter to Jones.


Dear Jonah,

For the life of me, I cannot remember if I have writen you a letter yet.  I know I have... I just can't remember... When?  What was I feeling?  How could I have been as in love with you as I am now?  Could I have known that you would be this... person?  This real live boy running around my house and ruining my things?  I know I have written you, but I want to start at the beginning.  

You, my sweet boy, were one of the single most shocking surprises of my life.  Your Daddy and I were re-arranging our lives.  We were selling our belongings.  Moving in with my Parents.  We were focusing on the Girls.  We were starting fresh.  We were PREGNANT?  We were PREGNANT?

It was- in a word- shocking.  I was elated. Daddy was terrified.  Don't hold it against him, he's the stud footing the bill and getting his pregnant wife fast food at 3am.  It was... a lot to take in, for both of us.

And then, we found out you were a boy.


I hope that one day you get news that makes you as happy as that news made us.  I cried, hot hormonal tears and made our friend who was the Ultrasound Technician check again. I think we would have been just as happy if you were Joan instead of Jonah (not real alternate name, don't worry) But I had been so convinced we were having another girl...  It just washed over me like cold, fresh water.  I didn't think anything could be better.


And then you came.  


Your Daddy has said it best; You filled a space in our lives we would have never known was missing.  You added an element to us that made us whole.  You, from the very start and without trying, made us a complete family.


And tonight, when I was brushing your teeth and you kept laughing laughing laughing... (Who laughs when they are getting their snags cleaned?) And when I told you to spit in the sink you just laughed and drooled... and I wiped of your face and you said "tank too" and kissed me...  These are the moments I almost explode with the pure joy of it all.  The overwhelming gratitude I feel at just having the job.  Being the one who gets to love you, feed you, brush your snags and comb that crazy mop of hair.

You, Jonah, have completed our family.  You have filled our hearts.   You have taught us how to enjoy life in the face of fear, and love with abandon even on two hours of sleep.

You are precious, you are unique, you are a teacher, a friend, a brother and a troublemaker.


You are my Boy, all two years of you.  

be two,